Does the secret to her success lie in her alien heritage?
In a shocking confession, a make-up artist who worked with Shania claims the [insert twee adjective] [insert clearly wrong description of singing style] singer has alien ancestry.
The make-up artist, who wishes to remain anonymous until her agent has negotiated a book and movie deal, filled in for a 'mysteriously ill' member of Shania's regular entourage for a recent concert in Deadwood, Texas. She noted Shania's 'green-toned' and 'slippery textured' skin, but thought nothing more of it, until she saw a feature on the alien bodies allegedly recovered from the Roswell site.
"I couldn't figure out why the alien figures looked so familiar, until suddenly I realised - they reminded me of Shania", the petite 43 year old told our reporter. "Suddenly, some of her strange habits made sense. I believed her when she said the live crickets she kept in a glass tank were pets, but now I think they were her food, or maybe her alien babies."
The skinny, big-headed aliens do bear a remarkable resemblance to Shania, but alien expert Bob Vreemdeling doesn't believe that they are the same kind of alien. "They're obviously closely related, perhaps from the same planet, or a planet with similar atmospheric conditions, but Shania and these aliens are clearly of a different race", he told us.
Bob told us that several key items from Shania's published biography may have been engineered to frustrate inquiries into her past, including the mysterious 'death' of her parents and her change of name from Eilleen Edwards to Shania Twain. He points out her family moved several times before she became famous, possibly leaving each town as the residents became suspicious.
We asked Bob to examine photos taken at a concert featuring Shania, the songstress Celine Dion, already known to be an alien, and a known human, ethnic artist Gloria Estefan. He pointed out that both Celine and Shania had their sensitive alien eyes shut to protect them from the glare of stage lights, and that both wore black, a colour chosen to increase the contrast and make their green skin appear whiter.
