Dec 28, 1998. This actually happened sometime in September, I'm just lazy about writing things up. And it's another shopping story. I guess it's the extended contact with the homobaboonians that does it.
So I'm in the chemists, or somewhere like that, and while I'm browsing round, I can hear these two chicks discussing what to get another friend for her birthday, or her wedding, or whatever.
After a lengthy discussion about how weird this chick is for not liking facials ('oh my gawd, that's really weird, what kind of person doesn't like facials?'), one of them suggests an expensive lipstick, 'because that's the kind of special treat that you never think to get yourself, so it's nice if someone else gets it for you'. The second chick says, 'yeah, that's good, cos she won't even go to Safeway at 10 o'clock at night without lippie on'.
The first chick ponders this for a while, giving me time to think 'cool, maybe she's going to say something about how ridiculous it is to put on lipstick to go to a twenty-four hour supermarket...'.
However, when she eventually opens her mouth it's to say, 'Really? Oh, that's good' in such a firm tone of approval and understanding that all my hopes for humanity are dashed.
Dec 26, 1998. Another shopping tale! Give me a break, it's post-xmas. In [toy chain store], there were three different dancing baby toys. Two electronic, one that sticks onto your car window. Ugh!
And this letter was in Who:
As a young girl growing up in Canada I idolised Michael J. Fox, a Canadian who made it big in Hollywood through hard work and determination. Learning he had Parkinson's shot to the very core of who I am and how I viewed this world. [rest cut] Sad Git, Miranda, NSW
Like, great. Maybe you should get out more.
Dec 5, 1998. Buying that 'fresh' pasta in the chilled section of the supermarket today, I come across this month's official Scary Product tm. Ready for it?
Pre-made cheese on toast. Yep, it's pre-toasted bread with cheese pre-melted on top. You don't cook under the griller, you cook in the oven. It takes six minutes once the oven's up to temperature. So not only do you have to wait half an hour for the oven to warm up, you have to wait six minutes for it to cook. That's about thirty-three minutes longer than it'd take to make it the normal way under the griller. And the best thing is the price - from memory, it was about $2.50, which is a hell of a lot more expensive than a loaf of bread; and given that you only get 8 slices, a lot more expensive than cheese.
Actually, it's both disgusting and scary.
So this is the deal - I used to have a homepage on Geocities, when the uni closed down my old account, and before I had the one I use now. Looking for a reason to procrastinate at work the other day, I thought it could be funny to track it down and have a good laugh at myself - there's nothing I can do about the content, cos I lost the password a long time ago, so I'd just have to sit there and squirm. Which I did, but not in the way I'd imagined.
That long ago day when I last updated it, I'd added a web counter, just to see if anyone besides myself ever looked at it. I think the last time I saw it, it was up around the 50s or 40s. Having lost the address, I had to search for words I thought would have been on it, and eventually found it. You can imagine my surprise when the counter registered a long way about 2 million hits.
At first I thought the counter had broken, but I hit shift-reload, and it went up by exactly 1. So I had to assume that all those hits were genuine, and I couldn't figure out what on earth had happened, until I read the content again. It was all very 'this is my homepage and this is what I do, eager breathless blather, eager breathless blather. Except, given my preoccupations at the time (and I guess, now), the page included the phrase 'suck my clit' and terms such 'masturbation'. Other pages, including the actual page called 'suck my clit' had less than 100 hits, so the current theory is that desperate people were looking up those words in search engines, trotting off to visit the page, and leaving as soon as they realised it wasn't about my dildo lesbo fantasies. So, that's a bit sad, but ok.
Then I worked out that at that hit rate, I was getting about 4386 hits a day, and 3 hits a minute. That's a lot of desperate people, none of whom are at all interested in my life, the bastards. So one day I want to set up a couple of sites like that, loaded with all the appropriate metatags, where the text merely says, 'hello, you tragic git. Ok, you can continue your desperate search now'. I do wonder what email I got.
While writing an email the other day I found myself suddenly entering rant mode:
Tonia Todman is really just an excuse for people to horde bits of old cardboard and sparkly bits that one rainy day they're going to make into a fabulous doorstop/napkin holder/gift set - I'd rather take lots of drugs and burn the cardboard while wearing the sparkly bits when that rainy day comes.
Update: the Aunt From Hell [tm] gave me a book on decoupage, so now I'm all set to be the new Tonia. I have the Xmas wrapping paper, shitloads of old unsightly furniture, and now I have the knowledge. [insert maniacal laughter here].
Preston CIB Crime Report.
This is the crime report from my local Neighbourhood Watch Newsletter. Most of it is pretty ordinary, and much of the rest can be explained with terms like 'high unemployment', 'working class', etc, but some of it is really disturbing for such a quiet looking suburb. Aggravated pollution, anyone?
There were 55 offenders arrested for the following offences. Theft, handle stolen goods, deception, possess heroin, unlawful possession, theft from motor car, burglary and theft, traffic heroin, sexual penetration of a child under 16, stalking, warrant of apprehension, theft of motor car, traffic, cultivate and possess drugs, criminal damage, assault, threats to kill, armed robbery, unlicenced firearm, obtain financial advantage by deception, false report, aggravated pollution.
My handwriting features encryption *way* stronger than 128-bit.
My star sign for the week, from the Weekend Australian:
It's a pity you can't catch meglomania by sharing a bath with someone who has it. You're wise and canny but you Crab People often have an odd attitude to power. Even if it were given as a free gift with purchase, you'd have problems taking it. Whatever the root reason for this trait, planet Pluto is now starting a long process of remoulding your relationship to Power. So, gloves off. Awaken your inner despot.
Ha! Watch out world. I'll be dominating in no time. If that's ok.